I’m feeling all emotional at the moment, so sorry if this post gets a little soppy!
Wednesday was my last day in Sixth Form, ever (fingers crossed). On one hand I’m relieved that THANK GOD THIS HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE OF A LEVELS IS OVER. But on the other hand, I’m feeling really weird and confused about the whole thing.
After spending seven years at the same school, it feels so strange to think that I may never go back there again. I’ve gotten so used to the routine, the people, the buildings and the teachers, it still hasn’t really set in yet for me that this is all about to change.
I’ll be honest, this final year of A Levels has been one of the hardest years I’ve had so far. Not only due to coping with the unbelievably heavy workload that comes with final exams, but also with a lot of personal stuff that I won’t bore you with. So, I do have a small feeling of accomplishment knowing that in spite of the struggle, I got through it. I managed to do three exams without panicking – which, considering how bad my anxiety has become this year, is a huge achievement for me personally.
I think the strangest part about leaving school is that you are finally left to your own devices – you have to make your own life decisions now, which can be really scary and daunting. When they ask you at the end of year 12 to choose a degree and apply for university, it’s almost impossible to make the right decision. How on earth are you supposed to know what you want to do for the rest of your life at the age of 17? It’s all too easy to just bury your head in the sand and wait for it all to go away.
But I’ve come to the point now where I need to face the scary stuff, and realise that the degree and university that I chose a year ago just don’t feel right – it’s an amazing course, but I’m just not sure if it’s the right decision. Part of me wants to take a gap year and figure everything out, but then part of me worries that if I do that I will lose the opportunity to go to an amazing university, or even the incentive to go to uni at all.
It’s all very confusing, and I realise that this post has become very rambly (I apologise!) but I just wanted to put it out there that making these decisions isn’t supposed to be easy, it very rarely is. So if any of you are experiencing the same thing, you are most definitely not alone!
To end on a more positive note, the last seven years have been difficult at times, but they’ve also shaped me into the person that I am. My friendships may have changed, but I believe now that the friends I’ve had this year are my true ones, and I’m really grateful that I had them by my side.
I’d better go before I start getting really soppy, but seriously if any of you are feeling scared or lost, don’t worry too much, it will all turn out right in the end – that’s what I’m praying for!